Rev. Dr. Chackochan Kalapura C.M.I
Parents bring children to Christeen for counseling. They want their children to be straightened out so that they may study all the 24 hours. Certain trends and problems can be identified and pointed out here for the consideration of the parents and teachers. Parents, too have a role, not in precipitating it, at least in solving it. Quite often the problems arise from outside. Anyway, the parents have a major role in solving the problems. Let us go through that.
I. Changing Values
Some parents want their children to study all the time and that they should get the first rank always. Some mothers are so selfish that they can’t tolerate any other child getting higher rank or more marks than one’s own child. Now the marks children score, and later the money they earn are important for parents. Values shift from children to marks and money. Children are not as important as marks and money. If parents have such a misplaced and materialistic attitude and value systems, how will children get a proper and realistic values system?
Children brought up in such a materialistic value system in which money is God, will reject and condemn their parents to mercy killing or reject them in some old age homes or sell them for spare parts to be replaced to other, once the parents lose their earning capacity.
Parents have to become models of values, children are to practice. Children are God’s gifts and they are to be re-used as God’s children. It depends on his abilities, interests, aptitudes and likes. Parents and teachers together have to discern what god wants a child to become.
II. Resentment in Children
Children resent to the unrealistic expectations and extreme demands of parents. They have hatred towards the compelling parents, to the teachers who teach their difficult subjects and to the competing class – mates.
Children have to forgive them unconditionally. They have to forgive the parents, teachers and their class – mates. Hatred and resentment make children unworthy of receiving wisdom which is a gift of the Holy Spirit. Without this wisdom, children can’t study and become somebody. Unless they are in holiness, they can’t receive the Holy Spirit and wisdom to study well. “ Wisdom will not enter a deceitful mind and will not remain in a sinful body” (Wis 1:4 -5)
III. Suicidal Tendency
A growing trend seen among the children of today is suicidal tendency at any slight provocation. It is a reflection of the value system of the parents, family and society. The supreme values of life are getting lost.
Values of suffering in human life are to be made clear to children. Suicide to avoid a suffering is not the best and appreciable way of solving a problem. Life is more important and valuable than suffering.
3. Sex. Stunt and Violence
Our media always project, sex, stunt and violence as something publicly appreciated. Children watch it in the TV and films and make experiments. Finally they land up in difficulties and spoil themselves.
There should be proper censuring system. Commercialism should not be the only criterion. Money should not be the prime values and making money should not be the only motive. At home also the family has to make a censuring of the programmers to be watched.
IV. Having a Line
At present, it seems that, having a line is prestigious and covetable. It is seen even among the 5th standard girls. But the mothers are more worried if girls in our culture have boyfriends. In the West, the mothers are more worried if girls don’t have boyfriends. It is not so in our culture. Any way lines and love affairs keep their minds pre-occupied and dissipated.
They are distracted all the time and they can’t concentrate and study well. The Bible ask us not to arouse love before time as it is like fire (Song of Songs 8/6-8)
V. Girls outstand
Now–a–days more girls go for higher education .Formerly more boys went to professional colleges. But now even in professional colleges the ratio is changing.
The consequence, in short is that in future most of the educated girls may not get a husband above or equal to them in education, status and income. Sometimes boys may make more money than girls. Still the social status becomes a problem. Boys also have to go up in education not necessarily academic alone; it can be more in technical and Job – oriented fields.
VI. Homosexuality and Sexual Abuse
Some children are sexually misused and abused by elders, even by their parents. Such victims bear its scar in the personality. They in their confusion may resort to sexual malpractices like masturbation, self abuse and homosexuality.
Parents and elders have to take children as God’s gifts, entrusted to your care. You have to help them to grow up as God’s children. Handle them with utmost care.
VII. Curses & Condemnation
Some children bear the wounds and scripts of the curse, condemnation and abusive words of parental society–parents, teachers and nuns have no right or permission to condemn or curse any child, however much naughty or trouble- making he or she is. We can advise them, scold them or punish them in the ordinary way, but all these for his good, and that too in a forgiving and loving attitude. We shouldn’t have any anger, hatred or revenge against any child. We can get angry but our anger shouldn’t last to the sunset as St. Paul says. We are always to forgive, bless and to accept them as they are. We should have the attitude of Jesus: “I too, don’t condemn you, go in peace, but sin no more”. We love children, at the same time, correct them lovingly.
And for that, the parents, teachers and elders have to set a model. We should be living models of the values and ideals children are to practice. Then only our words and advice will have the moral power to attract children and make them obey.
